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Lesson Etiquettes of the proposal
The proposal is the man informing the guardian of the woman, of his desire to marry her, according to the Sunnah of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger ﷺ.
One of the blessings of Allah is that He prescribed etiquettes for making proposals that would achieve contentment, good choice, and reassurance and help both spouses to be in harmony and agreement with each other.
Proposal etiquettes include:
1- A Muslim should not propose to another Muslim. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: «A man should not try to buy something his brother is trying to buy, no should he propose to a woman his brother has proposed to unless he gives him permission.» (Al-Bukhari, 5142, Muslim, 1412).
2- Looking at the fiancée in a way that calls for marriage, as the Messenger ﷺ said to Al-Mughirah bin Shu'bah when he wanted to propose: «Look at her, for it is more likely to keep the affection between you last longer.» ( At-Tirmidhi, 1087). Looking is also a woman's right; some people of knowledge assert that she has more right.
Jabir bin Abdullah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: «If one of you proposes to a woman, if he can look at what will make him marry her, then let him do so.» He said: So I got engaged to a girl, and I used to hide from her until I saw from her what prompted me to marry her, and so I married her. (Abu Dawud, 2082).
Etiquette of looking at the fiancée include:
3- Among the most important etiquettes of proposing is that both the man and the woman make their choices well. Hence, they base themselves on the correct foundations to establish a home where harmony, stability, and tranquility prevail, Allah-willing.
4- Among the etiquette of proposing is that the man is keen to marry a woman who is fertile to increase the number of good offspring, as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said advisingly: «Marry the one who is loving and fertile.» ( Abu Dawud, 2050)
5- Consultation, istikhaarah (seeking the right choice from Allah), and supplication. A Muslim seeks help from his Lord to make the right choice, calls on Him, and consults those with understanding and guidance in all matters. For example, the decision to marry is an important decision in a person’s life and is more deserving that he should ask Allah for help to make the right decision, supplicate to Him and consult others.
6- The two parties must have a high level of clarity and honesty in explaining all matters and circumstances so that no defect is concealed or intentional lies or deceit affect the relationship between the two parties in the future after marriage.
7- Observing the legal rulings and guidelines related to the engagement, as it is just a promise of marriage, not marriage. It is not permissible to shake hands, be alone with one another, speak softly, or put on perfume and adorn oneself for the suitor.
