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Lesson The Rules of Engagement Between Genders
Islamic legislation regulates people’s affairs in all aspects of life, including dealings between men and women. Allah created the male and female to be attracted to each other, and the result of this attraction is limited and legal through the outlet of marriage. Otherwise, it becomes a gateway to evil and one of the most severe forms of temptation. The Messenger ﷺ said: «I have not left after me a trial more harmful to men than women» (Al-Bukhari, 5096, Muslim, 2741).
The most dangerous thing the relationship between a man and a woman can lead to is adultery. The pure legislation is not content with just forbidding this obscenity but warns against getting close to it or those things that lead to it. Allah says: (Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way) [Al-Isra:32] And the Prophet said ﷺ: «The fornication of the eyes consists in looking, of the ears in hearing, of the tongue in speech, of the hand in violence, and of the foot in walking. The heart lusts and wishes and the private parts agree or reject it.» (Al-Bukhari, 6243, Muslim, 2657. The wording is the latter's.).
The pure legislation is keen on people not falling into any deviation or mistake which might lead them to something which will bring severe consequences. So it has put in place several controls in the dealings of men with women when the need arises, such as buying and selling and other permissible transactions, or when there is a dire necessity. For instance, a male doctor treats a woman when no female doctor is available. These controls include the following:
Lowering the Gaze
Allah says: (˹O Prophet!˺ Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do.)[An-Noor:30, 31].
Avoid touching or shaking hands
On the authority of Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), who said, describing the pledge of the Messenger ﷺ for women: "By Allah, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ never took any vow from women except that which Allah had ordered him to take, and his palm never touched the palm of a woman." (Al-Bukhari, 5288, Muslim, 1866) On the authority of Maqal bin Yasar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said the Messenger of Allah said ﷺ: «To be stabbed in the head with an iron rod is better than to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.» (Al -Tabarani in Al -Kabeer 486, and authenticated by Al -Albani)
Avoid being in seclusion (with the opposite sex)
The Messenger of Allahﷺ: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: «A man must not be alone with a woman except in the presence of a Mahram.» (Al-Bukhari, 5233, Muslim, 1341) And he said ﷺ: «Do not leave one of you with a woman, for Satan is the third of them.» (Ahmed, 115) Seclusion is a door to pure evil that Satan exploits to make a man and a woman fall into what Allah has forbidden.
There are specific rules that a Muslim woman must adhere to when the need to interact with men arises.
A Muslim woman must adhere to the regulations of the legislation, in compliance with the command of Allah first and foremost, forcing men to respect her and not harm her in action, speech, or staring at her. Allah says: (O Prophet! Ask your wives, daughters, and believing women to draw cloaks over their bodies. In this way, they will more likely be recognized ˹as virtuous˺ and not be harassed. And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.) [Al-Ahzab:59]
Avoiding the Use of Fragrance in the Presence of Men
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: «Any woman who puts on perfume then passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance then she is an adulteress.» (An-Nasa’i, 5126)
Speaking Seriously and Avoiding Soft Speech
Allah says: (O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women: if you are mindful ˹of Allah˺, then do not be overly effeminate in speech ˹with men˺ or those with sickness in their hearts may be tempted but speak in a moderate tone.) [Al-Ahzab:32]
Walking with Dignity and Modesty.
Allah says about the daughter of Shuaib when Moses (peace be upon him) came to inform her of her father's message: (Then one of the two women came to him, walking bashfully.)[Al-Qassas:25] Allah says, addressing the women: (Let them not stomp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments.)[An-Noor:31]
