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Lesson The basis for choosing a husband and wife
The marriage contract is of utmost importance in Islam. Islamic law has surrounded it with preliminary steps that prepare each party to achieve their interest and benefit from the agreement. It helps with the marriage's continuation and the Muslim home's stability.
The two main pillars in building a family are the husband and wife, and the legislation has been keen on them having a good relationship. So it has made achieving that, one of the signs and blessings it has bestowed upon the servants of Allah.
Allah says: (And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between your compassion and mercy. Surely these are signs for people who reflect.) [Al-Rum:21]
Choosing Good Spouses
Choosing a good life partner is the most important step to achieving a happy marriage and building a stable family.
The most important criteria for choosing spouses
This is the principle that both men and women should be eager to focus on when choosing a life partner because having good practice of one's religion and morals guarantees, Allah willing, to achieve happiness in both this life and the next.
The Prophet ﷺ urged choosing a righteous and religious wife. He said: «A woman is married for four reasons: her money, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion, so win the one who is religiously committed, and you will be successful.» (Al-Bukhari, 5090, Muslim, 1466). The religious woman fears Allah and will look after the rights of her home and her husband in his presence and absence.
Concerning choosing a husband, the Prophet ﷺ said: «If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.» (Ibn Majah, 1967) And some of the predecessors used to say: “If you give your daughter in marriage, marry her to someone religious. He will honor her if he loves her; if he hates her, he will not oppress her.”
Psychological Comfort
The Prophet ﷺ said: «Souls are troops collected together, and those who familiarised with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have an affinity, with one another (in the world), and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world).» (Al-Bukhari, 3336, Muslim, 2638)
That is why the Prophet ﷺ commanded whoever wanted to propose to a woman by saying: «Look at her, for it is more likely that the two of you will be brought together.» ( At-Tirmidhi, 1087) meaning: the affection between them lasts. This consideration is the right of the man and the woman as well. To get to know each other and find comfort in each other.
Compatibility
This refers to the closeness and agreement between the spouses in material and social conditions, and some scholars have gone on to stipulate this. Others have seen that what should only be considered is religiosity and morals. However, there is no doubt that the absence of compatibility in the social, knowledge, and financial levels between spouses may be a reason for the destabilization of marital life, its confusion, and the threat of breaking up.
Satisfaction and Acceptance
With careful selection, the marriage must take place with the consent and acceptance of both parties, without pressure or coercion from anyone, even if that person is one of the closest people to both potential spouses.
Islam was fair to the woman and stipulated her consent and acceptance of the husband. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: «A non-virgin should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger ﷺ How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission).» (Al-Bukhari, 5136, Muslim, 1419) In the story of Khansa bint Khaddam Al-Ansariyyah, her father married her while she was not a virgin, and she disliked that, so she came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and he annulled her marriage." (Al-Bukhari, 5138)
